Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
