2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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