She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
