Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
