are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Holy sore nipples Batman
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
