4 words: hood of his car
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
