The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
