I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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