i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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