my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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