Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
