No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
