I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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