I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
