dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
