my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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