Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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