This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
