ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's blow job season.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
