I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
