This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Randomize
