I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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