just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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