I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
