Me. At least after what I've been through.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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