just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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