Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
