Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just blew my weed a kiss
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
