I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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