cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
