We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
