you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
