I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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