I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
