dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
