Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
