If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
