I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
