I cannot find my penis.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
