with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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