Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
