I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
