i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
