Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want to have your abortion
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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