seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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