Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
