the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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