Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
