trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
