Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
