I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
