Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
