Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
