Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His hands were made for my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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