The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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