it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
